Returning - Chapter 202
Chapter 202: His Sunshine
All his hopes had turned into a joke, all his efforts a mockery. After that, Zhuang Ye seemed to change into a completely different person.
He started smoking, fighting, and cursing with his classmates. His grades plummeted. He caused trouble at school every few days, forcing teachers to call his parents again and again.
But what could any of that change?
The Zhuang family valued sons over daughters—wasn't Zhuang Ze also a boy? What was so special about him, Zhuang Ye? His father favored outstanding children. Zhuang Ze wasn't outstanding, yet he was still doted on, wasn't he?
As for him, no matter what he became, good or bad, he could never draw his father's attention.
His father called his mother a shrew, a bitter woman, said the sight of her made him sick. Then, when his father looked at him, his son, did he feel the same disgust? And when his mother looked at him, did she resent him in her heart for being a disappointment?
Back then, Ling Jianwei had tried to persuade him. Ji Sui had tried to persuade him. They both wanted to pull him out of the mire, to stop him from sinking further. But when he had already given up on himself, who could possibly save him?
Later, it was his older sister's tireless care and comfort, her patience and love, that helped him pull himself together, that turned him back into the outstanding Zhuang Ye he used to be.
He would never forget what his sister said: "Even if the whole world abandons you, you still have me, your sister. They abandoned me long ago too, but I still have you. At the very least, we siblings can still depend on each other."
He was sick of his parents' quarrels, terrified of his mother's complaints and hysterics, and utterly despised Zhuang Ze, who had suddenly appeared, along with Zhuang Ruyun and Zhuang Tong who came later. His sister was the only ray of sunshine in his world.
He listened to his sister, worked hard with her, and far surpassed Zhuang Ze and Zhuang Ruyun in every aspect. Only, it was no longer to earn his father's praise. Instead, it felt more like a form of revenge.
From the obedient child he once was, he grew more and more rebellious. He dared to shout back at his father, dared to mock his so-called half-siblings without restraint. Yet every time after that fleeting satisfaction of verbal victory, he never truly felt happy.
The reason he applied to Jiaotong University after high school was also born from that same rebellion—he wasn't sure if it was revenge against his father or self-torment. His father had arranged for him to study abroad, so he insisted on staying in the country.
He just never imagined that a decision made in a fit of pique would lead him to another ray of sunshine in his life.
The reason he noticed Tang Xi was, similarly, because of the jokes everyone made about their names sounding like a couple's, and because her appearance was simply too outstanding.
He was only human, instinctively drawn to beautiful things. He thought she was pretty, and her smile was always so sweet, lifting anyone's mood. So occasionally, he couldn't help but steal a few extra glances.
But his attention towards her stopped there. At that time, the Zhuang family was in utter chaos because his father wanted a divorce and his mother stubbornly refused. He had no energy to think about anything else.
He hid at school every day, pouring all his energy into his studies, ignoring his mother's calls, refusing to listen to her tearful complaints, desperately trying to escape everything he had grown so weary of over the years.
Even during the long National Day holiday, he used school matters as an excuse not to go home. The inevitable result, of course, was incurring his mother's displeasure. She found ways to get through on the phone and berate him for not caring about her.
But what could he do? He had advised her to just get a divorce if she couldn't go on, to let each other go. But after all those years of persuasion, had she ever listened? She only intensified her behavior, venting all her frustration with her husband onto him.
After finishing that call with his mother, he felt agitated and couldn't focus on studying anymore. He needed some air. Passing by a classroom on the third floor, he heard a girl's voice from inside.
"Are you even my real mom or what? This is the first time in your precious daughter's life that she's bought you a gift with her own hard-earned money, and you're actually complaining. I'm heartbroken."
The voice was somewhat familiar, the tone gentle, with a hint of coquettishness. It was immediately clear the mother and daughter had a very close relationship.
Thinking of his own phone call with his mother just moments ago, Zhuang Ye felt an overwhelming sense of wistfulness. Without thinking, he stopped and glanced inside.
He could only see her profile, but he recognized her. It was Tang Xi, a person who always managed a gentle smile no matter who she faced.
"Don't worry, I'll be careful, and I definitely won't let it affect my studies. Of course I know you don't lack the little money I earn. Actually, I'm doing the part-time job not just for the money; it's also a way to gain life experience."
"Did you brew that herbal tea? Was it good?"
"Of course it's different. My roommate's family grows it themselves. I specifically asked her to bring it back for me when she went home for the holiday. It doesn't have any chemical additives, so it's safer than what you buy."
"Didn't you say you've been having trouble with dampness lately? Drinking this should help. Don't be so stingy with money; go get a gua sha treatment or something one of these days."
"You still call yourself thrifty? Ever since I was little, you've only been willing to spend money on me, but so stingy when it comes to yourself. I hate that about you the most."
"Huh? What happened to your hand? I can see the wound. Hold it up to the camera and let me see. Let me see it before I can be at ease."
It was all mundane conversation. Tang Xi chatted on the video call for over half an hour, and Zhuang Ye listened outside for just as long.
He didn't mean to eavesdrop, and he didn't know why he didn't leave. It was just that, listening to the kind of conversation that had never once occurred in the Zhuang household, he realized how deeply he envied the person inside—just as he had always deeply envied Ling Jianwei.
From that moment on, he knew that Tang Xi, like Ling Jianwei, was not from the same world as him. They had both grown up under the sun, while he seemed to have always lived in the shadows.
But even from the shadows, he couldn't help but yearn for the sunlight.
Maybe it was glimpsing Tang Xi's gentleness and filial piety during that half hour, or maybe it was hearing her optimism and unique character through her conversation with her mother. He couldn't pinpoint the exact reason, but from that night on, he inexplicably wanted to be closer to Tang Xi.
At first, he thought it was like when he first wanted to be near Ling Jianwei—attracted by an outstanding person, craving the warmth they radiated. But gradually, he realized Tang Xi was different from Ling Jianwei.
Around Ling Jianwei, his heart didn't race, his face didn't flush. He wasn't so flustered he couldn't even speak a complete sentence. And he certainly didn't feel jealous of the people around Ling Jianwei.
But several times, seeing Tang Xi laughing and talking with male classmates, he'd feel a sour ache in his heart. He would constantly remind himself that, living in such a miserable family, he was different from everyone else, and even more different from Tang Xi.
He despised himself over and over, yet time and again, he couldn't accept it. Time and again, he wanted to appear before her in the best possible light.
He loved chatting with her, loved hearing her voice, loved seeing her smile. For her, he wanted to become a better person.
And he also, with extreme selfishness, wanted to monopolize someone as wonderful as her, not letting anyone else touch even a fraction of her.
Yet the more he felt this way, the more it seemed he couldn't hold onto her. Even when she was willing to be with him, it felt the same.
It was as if he were split into two people: one urging him to love her well and protect her, the other constantly telling him that someone who grew up in the shadows like him was unworthy of such sunlight.
He often showed her his best side, but feared she would discover that deep down, he was far from that outstanding. He couldn't help but ask her: "Tang Xi, if one day you find out I'm not as good as you think I am, will you still want me?"
And then, as always, he saw her brilliant, radiant smile. She said: "No matter what you become, all your strengths and flaws, I love them all."
Her words were as warm as the sun overhead that day, and they finally settled his heart somewhat.
He began to gradually reveal his family situation to her, telling her about the sordidness of the Zhuang household. And what she gave him in return was her warm embrace. She said: "Zhuang Ye, you still have me. I will always be with you."
And he believed that she would always be with him. Until he saw with his own eyes Ling Jianwei and her on the sofa, doing the most intimate things. Until he heard with his own ears the sounds of pleasure escaping their lips.
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