Returning - Chapter 43

Chapter 43: The Crying Act

Zhao Yu woke up in her driver's seat.

She had only slept for an hour. She had to go back as soon as the alarm went off.

She had to get home before Xue Zi'ang got off work and went to her apartment, to destroy all traces—especially the smell of smoke on her and the thick scent of intense lovemaking.

Xu Chengyan was Xu Chengyan after all. He showed her neither Xue Zi'ang's tenderness nor Shang Lu's chivalry. He perfectly embodied the concept of "hit it and quit it."

He hadn't even fully satisfied her, either.

In that state, once was far from enough for Zhao Yu. Xu Chengyan could tell, but he unhurriedly cleaned himself up and left.

Zhao Yu knew very well—he did it on purpose.

Fortunately, although her body was still empty, that one session with him had been so intense it left her exhausted, so she managed to fall asleep.

She had many chaotic dreams: memories from childhood, memories from university, and some ethereal images she couldn't quite place.

She was grateful the most terrifying scene didn't reappear in her dreams. Otherwise, her emotional state now would probably be even worse than before she'd had sex with Xu Chengyan.

Only after calming down and starting the drive back did she think: she had been too impulsive today.

She shouldn't have gone to Xu Chengyan. She should have kept stringing that man along, at least lured him into coming to sleep with her, instead of delivering herself to his door so easily.

After all, for most people, the more unattainable something is, the more they obsess over it. Once they actually get it, they don't know how to treasure it.

The root of it all still lay in her loss of emotional control.

When she was with Shang Lu, she wasn't afraid of losing control in front of him. Sometimes she even enjoyed the feeling of drawing warmth from him. But now, she couldn't let anything interfere with her rationality anymore.

Maybe she should see a psychologist?

But for her symptoms, would a psychologist even be useful? And she couldn't possibly trust a stranger, even if that person were a doctor.

A psychologist…

Zhao Yu remembered that in the background check materials on Ji Sui she had reviewed before, there was an entry showing that after applying for early discharge, he had seen a psychologist for quite some time.

While getting her car washed near her apartment complex, she suddenly took out her phone and sent Ji Sui a WeChat message:

[Do you know any reliable psychologists?]

Ji Sui: [What happened?]

Zhao Yu: [Nothing much, just been having some insomnia lately. Probably stress. Thought I'd talk to someone]

Zhao Yu: [I haven't been back in the country long and I'm not familiar with Donghai. Don't want my boyfriend to know, so I thought I'd ask you]

A few minutes later, Ji Sui sent her a WeChat contact card: [I've spoken with him. If he's not available, you can chat with him online first]

Soon after, he added another question: [Are you really okay?]

In the morning, she had been enthusiastically trying to introduce girls to him, and in the afternoon, she was suddenly talking about seeing a psychologist. No matter how you looked at it, it seemed somewhat abnormal.

Zhao Yu was still mulling over how to reply when Xue Zi'ang's call came in. He said Xue Zhan had angered the Old Master so badly that he'd been hospitalized. He wouldn't be able to come see her, told her to take care of herself.

After hanging up, she looked down at her disheveled state. Zhao Yu suddenly changed her mind. Now she wasn't in a rush to go home, shower, and destroy the evidence. Instead, she replied to Ji Sui:

[I'm fine, just wanted to find someone to prescribe some sleeping pills. I'll contact that doctor. Does he still have evening consultations?]

The answer was actually obvious. At this hour, other doctors might take emergency cases or might not get off work on time due to surgeries, but psychologists typically didn't have such situations.

As expected, Ji Sui replied: [He'll be off work in half an hour. Definitely can't get an appointment now]

When Zhao Yu didn't respond for a long time, he dialed her directly: "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Zhao Yu's voice was still somewhat hoarse, sounding like she'd just been crying. "Thank you. I'll add him on WeChat first, make an appointment to see him tomorrow."

"Zhao Yu." Ji Sui seemed to be hesitating. He paused for a few seconds before continuing, "We're friends, more or less. If you need help, you can tell me."

Zhao Yu sniffled, let out a couple of sobs, and said nothing.

The sound of a car horn came through nearby. Ji Sui heard it and asked, "You're out? Weren't you at work this morning?"

Zhao Yu let out a long breath: "Got off work early."

Pausing, she carefully spoke up: "Could you… could you let me stay over one more night? I didn't bring my ID when I went out. Can't go to a hotel."

"Alright." Ji Sui agreed without much hesitation. "Where are you? Should I come pick you up?"

"No need. I drove out. I'll… wait for you in the parking garage downstairs."

"Okay, I'll finish work soon."

Zhao Yu drove to Ji Sui's apartment complex, found a parking spot that allowed visitor vehicles, parked, leaned back in her seat, and closed her eyes to rest.

She was dozing off groggily when someone knocked on the car window. She opened her eyes to see Ji Sui standing outside.

She looked at him dazedly for a moment before opening the door and getting out: "How did you know I was here?"

"This area only has paid parking here. And coincidentally, my spot is just upstairs."

She was still wearing that dress, wrinkled from the intense sex, with traces of dried semen still on the hem. On the skin exposed by the low neckline, there was a distinct fingernail scratch—Xu Chengyan had accidentally done that when grabbing her breast.

And on her body, the smell of smoke mixed with some kind of lewd musk. Ji Sui could smell it the moment she got out of the car.

Seeing her face, completely drained of color, her eyes red, her voice dry and hoarse, Ji Sui didn't even need to ask to guess what had happened.

Of course, he couldn't possibly ask such an impolite question. So he simply pretended not to notice anything, leading her into the elevator, into his apartment.

"Have a seat. I'll get you a glass of water."

"Thank you."

He handed her a glass of warm water. Ji Sui then asked, "Have you eaten? I haven't eaten yet and was planning to just throw something together. Want to join?"

Zhao Yu nodded, then hesitated: "May I… borrow your shower? I…"

"Of course." Considering she had no change of clothes, Ji Sui went back to his room and found his own loungewear for her. "Might be a little big. Make do."

Zhao Yu took it with trembling hands: "Thank you."

Her eyes were already starting to moisten, but she still fought to hold it back, desperately forcing a smile for him: "I troubled you last time, and now again… I'm really sorry. I originally wanted to go to Sister Shi Yu's, but the way I look right now… I don't want Xiao Xiao to see me like this."

Looking down at her thoroughly disheveled state, her tears finally fell, uncontrollably, in large drops.

Ji Sui pulled out some tissues and handed them to her. He couldn't help but ask, "Did he bully you?"

Zhao Yu quickly shook her head: "No, no, he didn't bully me. He's my boyfriend. He can do whatever he wants with me. It's me… I'm the one who overthinks things."

Ji Sui sat down beside her: "Zhao Yu, there should be mutual respect between boyfriend and girlfriend. If you're not willing, he can't force you."

Zhao Yu continued shaking her head: "He didn't force me. I was willing. I'm willing to do anything for him. It's just… he's always like this. Makes me feel… I'm nothing but a tool for him to vent his desires."

"That time in the parking lot, the time you saw, actually I wasn't arguing with him. We were just… he was drunk and asked me to pick him up. But he didn't say a word and just did it with me in the car…"

"Today was the same. I was feeling down and told him I didn't want to, but he still… finished without a single word. When he was done, he left without even speaking to me. I don't even know what I am to him anymore."

Watching her weep inconsolably, Ji Sui remained silent for a long while. In the end, he said nothing, just continued handing her tissues.

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